"Some of the greatest joys await us"
Dr. Ken Druck says we need to look at the opportunities ahead.
Psychologist Ken Druck, Ph.D., a "resilience expert" and author of Courageous Aging: Your Best Years Ever Reimagined, discusses why it's never too early to live a happier, healthier life.
Q: What is the healthiest way to think about aging?
Dr. Druck: Studies are beginning to show that the highest ratings of life satisfaction are often recorded by people over 60. So, we need to be part of changing the negative cultural attitudes that tell us that staying forever young is the gateway to heaven. We need to get over that and see the opportunities that are there for us to harvest. People of any age can begin to enjoy the things that the rest of our lives may hold — rather than living in dread and fear and making ourselves miserable about the future. Some of the greatest joys and satisfactions in life await us in our 60s, 70s, 80s, and 90s.
Q: You say courage is the greatest virtue at any age. What other qualities are key?
Dr. Druck: The guiding principle of any major life change or transformation is self-compassion. Kindness toward ourselves. Respect toward ourselves. Patience and encouragement toward ourselves. Harsh self-criticism is never constructive and only prolongs our suffering. I compare it to being in the courtroom with only a prosecutor waving an admonishing finger of blame in your face, and there's no defense attorney.
Q: Why do we tend to judge ourselves harshly?
Dr. Druck: Because we've absorbed somebody else's criticism of us. We think that's the way that we're going to become better, smarter, more successful. We've adopted that pattern of behavior. My book, Courageous Aging, includes a self-audit that can help you take inventory of the strategies you're using. For example, you might ask yourself: "Trying to win everybody's approval all the time — how's that working for me?"
Q: At what age should we start addressing these issues?
Dr. Druck: The earlier in life we get a handle on these issues, the more it adds to the quality of life and health. You don't have to wait until you're 70. It's almost like buying life insurance. If you wait until you're 75 to buy life insurance, guess what? It's going to be expensive. If you buy life insurance when you're younger, you're going to have some wealth built up.
The earlier we begin to cultivate these attitudes, the more we're going to enjoy life rather than trying to crowd everything into the last minute.
